Hi! If you’re new here I’m in a polyamory relationship. It involves my wonderful Husband and my Master. They are 2 different people who I love and respect dearly. But because of the dynamic of our lifestyle, I get asked a lot of comments. Who has higher ranking? Do I fuck one more than the other? You can’t be owned by two men! It is draining. So, let’s chat!
First and foremost: At the end of the day, no man fucking owns me. The submission I give is a gift that my Master adores. My Husband didn’t trade a cow to ‘collect’ me from my father. I am and will ALWAYS BE my own damn person. Being in two types of “submission” so to speak means jack shit to me, because fuck the rules. Simple.
Now that isn’t to say things have always been perfect. When we were all first starting out, we had those toxic ideas of ranks, etc. I was slowly learning not to get jealous when my Husband was out with potential partners. Master was learning how to balance his life outside of me and with me. It was honestly a mess and I didn’t think any of us was going to make it.
At one-point Husband would mock the D/s relationship because he felt me handing over any type of “free will” was crazy. He “didn’t understand, but whatever” it a lot when I tried to explain it to him. That hurt a lot. Mostly because I hate feeling like I don’t make sense no matter how many times I explain something. But also, because it felt like he wasn’t trying to understand at all. Master on the other hand would give me a tough time about Husband. He felt disrespected and that he shouldn’t have to deal with him at all. He felt he was toxic for me with all the drama that was surrounding us.
But we communicated a lot. We had family meetings. We ironed out the rules in not only our separate relationships but as a true pod.
Rules became simple:
- Only one other partner but fuck buddies were okay if everyone was in the loop.
- Keep communication open always. Closed mouths don’t get fed after all.
- Don’t knock me up on purpose (because ohmygod I’m still trying to figure out how that would work for us right now)
The next big hurdle was learning boundaries for everyone. For me, asking what is and isn’t OK, even if it seems obvious, is very important. Maybe something wasn’t OK back in the day, but now it is OK. Maybe something isn’t OK at all anymore. Learning to balance that as a wife and a submissive to two very different men can still be very challenging. When am I not my collar? When am I not my ring? The answer was hard to come by because I’m an overthinking Gemini, but I learned to just be myself. My Husband has grown accustomed to the oddness of my D/s relationship. In turn my Master doesn’t feel disrespected by him.
There is no ranking. No hierarchy. No stupid rules that keep us juggling and miserable. Just a simple blance of us all loving and learning more about each other each day.
[…] “First and foremost: At the end of the day, no man fucking owns me. The submission I give is a gift that my Master adores. My Husband didn’t trade a cow to ‘collect’ me from my father. I am and will ALWAYS BE my own damn person.” Balancing Act […]
[…] Now if I had been interested in having more than one sexual partner then I am sure Gino would have been in the frame. Fairy Cake explains how polamory is a balancing act. […]
[…] finally a pair of recommendations for other work within that, first off Fairy Cake – A Balancing Act – this is a really powerful piece on polyamory – which seems relevant to Cecilia and her […]